// [P]rofile.. *

 Name : Ayan Kumiko
Nick : Maya
Age : ....
D.O.B : ....
Sign : Sagittarius
Email : mafabunan@yahoo.com
YM : class_cuties
Friendster : kuroitenshi15@yahoo.com

// [A]dores.. *

 anime.
manga.
j-music.
cars.
racing.
drift.
art.
music.
house m.d.

// [L]oathes.. *

 jackasses.
snakes.
stuck-up brats.
spiders.
ampalaya.

// [L]inks.. *

 My multiply.
Fanfictions.
My livejournal.

// [W]ishlist.. *

 nintendo ds.
make a manga.
drift my car.
produce an awesome computer graphic design.
See l'arc~en~ciel perform live.

// [T]agboard.. *

 ``Insert your tagboard code here``
Saturday, July 30, 2005
|7/30/2005 06:52:00 AM|

working in a grocery store is hard job, i know that but i couldn't help but wish that it becomes easier. i guess i'll get used to it in time. that is if i decide to stay. here, comes in my dilemma: should i quit n abandon my dream of having a car back in manila or should i stay and endure all the pain that i am currently experiencing? i am once again faced with two choices that would have a huge effect in my life. i don't want to stay because i don't really feel comfortable here and the fact that my parents would be leaving me with the care of my grandma n auntie doesn't sit well with me. i could deal with my auntie, it's my grandma that is the problem. i'm already becoming really pissed as it is (forgive me, i know it's a sin... but i really feel that way.) but i don't want to go either because if i go, i will lose the chance of earning enough money to buy me n my bro a car and i really need one when i get back because of all those duties. now, i am confused as to which is to choose. my mom is asking me if i already want to quit my job and go home even though i would be going alone. to tell the truth, yes i do want to quit my job and yes, i do want to go home but like i said, if i do that then i lose the chance of getting a car. my reason for staying may be shallow, but for me n my bro, it isn't. also, it's one way of showing to my parents that we could do as what we say. they just pass what we are saying like its a joke. they don't believe that we could buy a car. it's a way of proving ourselves to them. but as it is, i can't help but complain with the pain that i am feeling. my feet hurts eveytime i work, to the extent that i can barely walk. my back too also hurts and my arms feel like lead. that's what i feel everytime i go back home from work. it doesn't help that i feel really uneasy with my co-workers since i am the only filipino in that store. i feel so... out of place. don't get me wrong, i do have friends there, they are the only friends that i have that are not relatives of mine, but it still doesn't ease the uneasiness that i feel. haay... wish i know which one is to choose. Lord, help me make the right choice, please.


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