i had a dream last night. it started out as a pretty normal one but towards the end, it changed. i found myself in a room that was white and it the middle of it sat three old ladies. i walked slowly, looking at their faces one at a time, when i finally looked at the one in the middle, i recognized that it was my grandmother, my late grandmother. when i saw her, i hugged her and started crying, calling out her name and then i felt that as if the things around me were starting to slip away then i found myself waking up, tears in my eyes and still calling out for my grandma. it tooke me a few hours to realize that today was her forty-days since the day of her death and when i remembered that, i can't help but cry silently. this was the first time, ever since her death that i had a vision of her or any sort of presence from her. i sure miss her a lot, since she must be one of the kindest person that i had met in my entire life. maybe it's a sign... a sign of what, i do not know. maybe a sign telling me that she's at peace or she's happy? i sure hope that that is the case but whatever it is, i am still glad that i was finally able to see her again, even though if it was just for a brief moment. that dream... it was kind of surreal to me. it was as if i was in an alternate universe of some kine. surely, people don't just have dreams of their dead relatives, right? especially if they really mean a lot to you except maybe to express something of importance, right? was it to rid me of my guilt? i know that i feel guilty for what i did during the her last moments here on earth... i know that i somewhat put her in pain during the time that we were changing her beddings and clothing, and that i wasn't always at her side during her last days here. maybe if i spent more time with her than outside.... i don't know. but it will take time before i rid myself of that guilt or maybe it will not just go away, like the guilt i have for having done that "thing" when i was still in high school. i guess i just have added another thing to my list of "things to brood about." but, i know that wherever my grandmother is, she's happy because she's with our creator and she's with the people that she love and i am very thankful for having her as my grandmother.